It sounds like you might be dealing with a couple of different issues here. The shaking when starting off in 2WD could be due to a few factors. Here are a few things to check:
Driveline Alignment: With larger tires and a gear change, the driveline angles can be altered. Make sure your pinion angle is correct. If it's off, it could lead to vibrations under acceleration.
U-Joints: Check the U-joints on your driveshafts. Worn or damaged U-joints can cause vibrations, especially under load.
Tires: Uneven tire wear or imbalance could also contribute to shaking. Make sure all your tires are properly balanced and have even wear.
Control Arm Issues: As for the control arm connection, if the bolts keep sliding back and forth, it may be a sign that the bushings are worn out or damaged. Consider replacing them with new bushings or even upgrading to quality aftermarket control arms if you're looking for improved performance.
Check the Torque Specs: Make sure you're tightening the control arm bolts to the manufacturer’s torque specifications. If the threads are stripped, you may need to replace the bolts or use a thread repair solution like a helicoil.